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  Let Me Be Your Last

  Music and Letters Series: Book 4

  Lynsey M. Stewart

  Edited by

  Duckman Proofreading

  ‘Let Me Be Your Last’

  Music and Letters Series – Book 4

  By: Lynsey M. Stewart.

  Let Me Be Your Last

  Copyright© 2018 by Lynsey M. Stewart.

  All Rights Reserved

  Without limiting the rights under copyright reserved above, no part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in or introduced into a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form, or by any means (electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise) without prior written permission of the author of this book. The only exception is brief quotations to be used in book reviews.

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, brands, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or are used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events or locales is purely coincidental.

  The author acknowledges the trademark status and trademark owners of various products referenced in this work of fiction, which have been used without permission. The publication/use of these trademarks is not authorised, associated with, or sponsored by the trademark owners.

  Editing: Duckman Proofreading

  Proofreading: Duckman Proofreading

  Cover design: Taylor Sullivan

  About The Book

  Gem Brown had it all. A successful husband, two gorgeous boys, and a life mapped out. Until doubt started to creep in.

  Suspicion can drive you mad.

  But suspicion can also prove you right.

  The day Gem found her husband teetering on the edge of ecstasy, his mistress on her knees before him, provided her with…clarity. She would never trust a man again.

  But four years later, through the strength of friendship and the love of her kids, Gem starts to feel ready to start taking chances.

  And then comes Josh. He’s a match made in heaven (or was it Loveisintheair.com?). Epic dates, swoon-worthy grand gestures, and a promise of happiness threaten to test her never-trust-a-man-again mantra.

  But is Gem ready to fall in love again? Will Gem and Josh ever start testing the theory that high levels of sexual tension often lead to earth shifting sex? Can Josh help her to heal old wounds, or will ghosts of the past fail to let her go?

  ‘You are easy to love, Gem. It’s others that make it difficult.’

  This novel contains strong language and graphic descriptions of sex; therefore this novel is only suitable for 18+

  This is the fourth book in the Music and Letters series but can be read as a standalone.

  To my beautiful daughter. I hope you find your Josh.

  Contents

  Prologue

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Chapter 19

  Chapter 20

  Chapter 21

  Chapter 22

  Chapter 23

  Chapter 24

  Chapter 25

  Chapter 26

  Chapter 27

  Chapter 28

  Chapter 29

  Chapter 30

  Chapter 31

  Chapter 32

  Chapter 33

  Chapter 34

  Chapter 35

  Chapter 36

  Chapter 37

  Chapter 38

  Chapter 39

  Chapter 40

  Chapter 41

  Chapter 42

  Chapter 43

  Chapter 44

  Chapter 45

  Chapter 46

  Chapter 47

  Chapter 48

  Chapter 49

  Chapter 50

  Chapter 51

  Epilogue

  Acknowledgments

  About the Author

  Other books in the Music and Letters Series

  Prologue

  Four years previously

  Gem

  The rain was getting heavier, beating down loudly against the windscreen. The furious speed of the wipers was distracting my view of the roadside entrance to the restaurant. I saw lights. Bright lights. Then I noticed the subtle twinkle of fairy lights looped around the trees outside Forest View, the restaurant my husband, Jay, had been managing for the last year, the remnants of the busy Christmas season that he said he had taken down the previous night. Liar. He’d told me he was late coming home because of those fucking twinkling lights. I knew he was lying. I knew it was bullshit. I could smell it all around him. More specifically, I could smell her all over his body, all over his cock. The smell of cheap perfume, fine dining and recent sex were hard to mistake.

  He’d left early in the morning without saying goodbye and barely acknowledging the kids. I hated him the most for that. Even after finding a Christmas card in his briefcase before he left with To My Boyfriend across the front and addressed inside to The Love of My Life, I still hated him the most for barely acknowledging the kids. Our kids. Our life. A life I thought we shared. How wrong could I have been?

  In the back of the car, I heard Abi and Elle, my best friends, take a collective deep breath as I took a shaky one, slowing down as we approached the front entrance. My legs shook sharply on the clutch and my outstretched arms felt heavy as I gripped onto the steering wheel. I looked at my hands, taking in my stark white knuckles, the skin around them tense and taut, my wedding ring catching the light. My stomach dropped the moment I saw it. The moment I knew everything was about to change.

  His car.

  The glint from the lights he said he’d taken down were now shining off the silver paintwork glaring back at me like it knew what was racing through my mind. A second car was beside it. Red. Harlot-red. Like the woman who surely drove it. Fuck. Judgmental statements and emotional overload were fast becoming symptoms of our marriage, a marriage that had started to trickle hurriedly through my fingers. There was no hope now. I couldn’t close my fingers tightly to keep him in my grasp. Now it felt like I didn’t even know him anymore. The last six years were insignificant, more insignificant to him long before they were to me.

  My heart weighed heavy, feeling like it was sitting deep under the bones of my ribcage. When we first met during our college years, my heart had felt too big to fit inside of me, bursting with love and admiration for the best friend who I had fallen in love with. He was studying catering and hotel management and he felt like the answer to everything I’d been trying to solve throughout my life. Love. Companionship. Need. But my heart that had been so full for the man who gave me everything was now dangling inside of me like a brick tied to a frayed piece of string.

  Elle looked at the two cars and fiddled with her baseball cap, pulling the front down and blushing anxiously. We were all wearing them to try to appear incognito, which was laughable really as I was pretty certain he would recognise our fucking family car. The car that would soon be mine and mine alone.

  ‘Don't jump to conclusions,’ Elle said before I’d even opened my mouth.

  ‘Don’t jump to conclusions? I found a fucking card addressed to The Love of My Life this morning. The restaurant closed hours ago and there are two cars left in the car park. His and the harlot-red one.’

  ‘Harlot-red? Fuck. Remind me never to buy a red
car,’ Abi said as she removed her sunglasses. ‘Hang on a fucking sec, Gem. Maybe it's a girl who works for him who has an infatuation. It happens; he's a good-looking guy.'

  ‘His dirty, filthy cock smelled like sex, Abi. More than once. What more evidence do you think I need?’

  ‘OK, I’ll admit it’s not looking good,’ she grimaced, ‘but we don’t know that anything is happening right now. Maybe it's his business partner and they're meeting to discuss…I don't know…new table linens.’

  ‘At three in the morning?’

  ‘Maybe it’s a staff issue and he’s kept someone back to discuss how to improve their work ethic,’ Elle shrugged as she tried to keep up her default setting of always seeking the best in situations that were clearly fucking suspect.

  ‘This is ridiculous. What am I doing here? I’m stalking my husband while our kids are fast asleep with their grandmother, his bloody mother who thinks I’m out on the town for the night. I’m only adding to her already low opinion of me and I’m not even drunk. I haven’t even sniffed an alcoholic drink.’

  ‘Let’s go inside, find Jay innocently hoovering up the crumbs from the bread rolls, tell him we’ve called in for a drink, and then problem solved; alcohol for all of us. Jay can drop us home and you can collect your car tomorrow. Sounds like a plan,’ Abi smiled. ‘Or if we find him shagging a waitress across the condiment table, you can cut off his penis and Elle and I will take a ball.’

  ‘Not the time for jokes, ladies. Fuck, I can’t do this,’ I said, pulling at my seatbelt that felt like it was wrapping its way around my throat and constricting my airway. I felt my nerves tighten across my stomach and I struggled to stop the shaky breaths. I thought of the card. I remembered the anger. I saw our kids’, Brandon and Theo, worried faces as I tried to hide my sobs. Everything came to the surface. I needed to know. ‘I can do this.’ I quickly pulled off my seatbelt and opened the car door, slamming it with every ounce of anger I had. I took off, forgetting Abi and Elle, and ran with force to the entrance, shaking off the sting of tears and working my way through the flashbacks. The day Jay and I met, his thoughtful proposal in front of our families, our beautiful wedding day, and the moments our children had entered the world. I could still see his face full of love and bewilderment that we had created two perfect little boys. They were his life. How did we get to this crazy, awful point?

  I pushed against the doors and looked around the bar area. Empty. I scanned the tables all covered in fresh white tablecloths ready for service the next day. Quiet. The door to the wine cellar was open, creating a crack of light that was casting a sharp blade across the wall behind me.

  Voices. Laughter. Moans.

  ‘Gem.’ Abi stood behind me. I knew from her tone that not only could she hear the noises, but she could also recognise them and was ready to hold me back as my anger bubbled to the surface.

  ‘I fucking knew it!’ I yelled.

  Elle grabbed my arm but I broke away, pushing the door and running down the steps. Racks full of bottles covered the walls and cobwebs filled the corners. Jay was leaning against a large wooden floor to ceiling rack, his head lolling back and a lustful smirk on his face until he looked across and we locked eyes. ‘Christ!' The woman who was on her knees with my husband's cock in her mouth immediately stood up, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand as she smoothed her hair behind her ear with the other. ‘What the fuck, Gem?' he said as he turned and pushed himself back into his trousers.

  ‘What the fuck? You cheating bastard!’ I hit my hands against his back and sobbed through the anger, my shoulders aching as I tried to hold myself together. ‘How could you do this?’ Elle pulled me away and stroked her hand down my arm to calm me. It didn’t work.

  ‘This isn't what it looks like. I promise. The button came off my trousers earlier tonight and Shelley was just sewing it back on.’

  ‘With her mouth?’ I shouted.

  ‘No! For God’s sake!’ he replied as he zipped up his trousers. ‘Elle, get her out of here.’

  ‘Don’t talk to Elle like I’m not bloody here! I knew you were cheating. I found the card this morning, and you’ve had the fucking cheek to climb into our bed smelling like you’d drowned yourself in her rancid pussy!’

  ‘Who do you think you are talking about me like that?' Shelley, the woman who no longer had her mouth full of my husband's cock, was obviously offended at my take on her vaginal hygiene.

  ‘I’m his wife; that’s who. The mother of his children. Not some little slut who gets her rocks off sucking on married men’s dicks.’

  ‘I’m not a slut,’ she replied, folding her arms across her chest. ‘This isn’t something seedy. I’m in love with him.’

  ‘Jesus,’ I said, holding my hands to my head. ‘You’re fucking deluded!’

  ‘Tell her the truth, Jay.’ I watched as she put her hand on his shoulder. His head dropped, unable to make eye contact. His hand reached for hers and his thumb stroked across her skin. He didn’t need to say any more; his actions were telling me everything I needed to know.

  ‘How long?’ I whispered as Elle put her arm around my shoulders. I moved away, shrugging her off.

  ‘Gem, I think we should take you home and you and Jay can talk in private,’ Abi calmly suggested as she glared at Jay. If looks could kill, he would have been dead three minutes ago.

  ‘How long?’ I asked again.

  No response.

  His head was still down, her hand was still curling around his shoulder, and his fingers were still stroking her skin. ‘How fucking long?’

  ‘I don’t know,’ Jay muttered as he looked to Shelley clinging to his arm. She nodded her head to encourage him to go on. ‘A few months.’

  ‘Oh my God! Brandon isn’t even one yet,’ I sobbed as I turned to the woman who was pulling my husband away from me. ‘Do you know he has a three-year-old and a baby at home? Two kids who idolise him! I’ve got to tell them their daddy would rather be fucking around than being at home with them!’ Jay winced at my words as I picked up a corkscrew, the nearest object to me, and threw it towards him. He held his arms across his head, shielding himself. ‘How could you do this to me? How the fuck could you do it to them? Those gorgeous boys? How fucking could you?’

  ‘It was a mistake. Please, don’t do this. She means nothing to me,’ he pleaded, contradicting himself as Shelley, the woman who had just said she was in love with my husband, shook her head in frustration.

  ‘She meant nothing. Is that supposed to make me feel better? You've lost everything for something that meant nothing to you? I don’t believe you.' I watched him as he dropped to his knees, his face lined with pain as the reality of what he was on the brink of losing started to sink in. I wanted to ignore the pull I had to go over to him, crouch by his side and tell him we could work through this because we were strong. I wanted to dampen down the intense feeling of disappointment that the man who promised never to let me down like the father I'd never known was now doing exactly the same to his children. I desperately wanted to hide the bite of knowing that the only man I'd ever fallen in love with, made love to, and trusted to hold our life together was choosing to walk away from a life that I thought was important. But more than all of that put together, I really wanted to listen to the voice in my head that was telling me to allow this to happen, knowing that I'd rather be raising my boys on my own than stay in a marriage with someone who didn't want to be part of everything that I considered wonderful.

  ‘Gem, let’s talk about this without the fucking world listening in,’ Jay said, finally lifting his head.

  ‘Elle and Abi can stay. She goes.’ I pointed to Shelley as she started to pull her belongings together.

  ‘Fine, but they can go upstairs and wait while we talk.’

  ‘You want me to go?’ Shelley asked. Jay nodded. She laughed bitterly as he directed her towards the stairs. ‘I see where this is going. Fucking hell, what an idiot,’ she said, talking to herself. ‘I should have known.’ She stopped b
efore reaching me, allowing me to see her for the first time; a woman who had been offered the world and had promptly had it taken away again. ‘Here’s some advice as you try to fix your marriage. Stop denying him sex then maybe he won’t have to go elsewhere.’

  ‘What?’ I gasped, inexplicably laughing through my ragged breaths as I realised how fucked up this was. Sex was one part of our relationship that hadn't wavered, at least not when he was at home or I wasn’t pregnant and throwing up for the majority of the day. I hadn’t just had morning sickness; I’d had afternoon and middle of the night sickness. ‘He told you we weren't having sex?’ I asked as she looked at Jay, unsure what to do or say next, knowing from the look on my face and Jay’s silence that she’d also been lied to.

  ‘Jay?’ she said, confusion hitting. He put his hands on his hips and shook his head in defeat.